Camped Out By the Red Sea

One of the Red Sea Rules (from a favorite book of mine by the same title) assures us that God has us right where he wants us. This is based on the instruction s that God gave to Moses when he told him where the Israelites were to camp: in what seemed like a totally impossible and impassible situation.

Later in Jeremiah 29 we read that God not only carried them into exile, but that they should put down roots and get ready to stay a while.

At face value neither instruction makes any sense.

This week didn’t make much sense to me either. We already strapped and trying to figure out ways to cut back here and there. I don’t dare mention to Nelson anything I want. I am learning to want nothing. I’m getting used to having no money in my wallet. We scraped change together for me to go have breakfast with a friend today.

And then the car breaks down and we need a new transmission. We bought the Liberty so that I would have a safe vehicle to drive north for the job I lost in June. We took on that debt because we thought we were doing what God was leading us to do. Why would he allow us to take on a debt that would strap us both by payment and now by repair when he knew in advance that the Jeep was going to break down?

I just don’t get it. I know that God is in control. I believe it. I have to or nothing in my life makes any sense at all—and right now I need something to make some kind of sense. I feel like I have no control over anything. I can’t get a good paying job because of my label and crime. We can’t find a place to live that we can afford where we’re allowed to live. I can’t move anywhere different or better because the powers that be in my state continue to put off making a decision regarding the illegality of the change in the law and status for offenders. My petition has been in the possession of the judge for over a year. I have a icky itchy rash all over my body.

But God assures me that he has me right where he wants me. I just don’t like where I am and I’m not very good at being here. I’m a fixer. I motivate and encourage others, but I feel myself slipping into a dark abyss.

In the Exodus 14 passage, it also states that what will happen, the deliverance of the Israelites through the Red Sea as their enemies are bear down on them, is going to happen for God’s glory. I wonder how much comfort that was to those people as look to the left and saw the sea, the right and saw the mountains, and could hear their enemies fast approaching. I’m all for God receiving glory, and I will give him credit for seeing me through, but right now all I feel is the pinch and discomfort. All I’m left with is questions.

I’m not going anywhere. I feel a little like Peter: where else would I go? Nowhere. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Somehow it seems fitting that it’s snowing outside. It’s been a cold, harsh winter. Outside and in my heart. I’ll keep obeying. I’ll keep trusting. I’ll keep hoping. I will will myself to. I just don’t expect to see the moving without my getting out there to shovel. I’d probably have looked for a bucket there by the Red Sea.