F: Fussing

Okay, will all the fussers in the room, please raise your hand? That is if you can get a hand free to raise it. Hi, I’m Tina. I fuss. And in case you want to tell me that you never fuss, here’s the definition:
fuss
1. Needlessly nervous or useless activity; commotion: There was a lot of fuss on moving day.
2.
a. A state of excessive and unwarranted concern over an unimportant matter: made a big fuss over one low test grade.
b. An objection; a protest: The longer working hours caused a big fuss.
3. A quarrel.
4. A display of affectionate excitement and attention: Everyone made a fuss over the new baby.
v. fussed, fuss•ing, fuss•es
v.intr.
1. To trouble or worry over trifles.
2. To be excessively careful or solicitous: fussed over their children.
3. To get into or be in a state of nervous or useless activity: fussed with the collar of his coat.
4. To object; complain. v.tr. To disturb or vex with unimportant matters.

I went to scripture to see what it says about fussing, and the NIV doesn’t use the word fuss. So searched in The Message (which I think tends to use more relatable words) and found several examples. First, I found that the word fuss was used by Jesus to describe Martha’s actions when he came to her home. You might remember the story: Martha is in the kitchen fussing while Mary is in living room sitting at the feet of Jesus—hanging onto his every word (Luke 10). In Matthew’s presentation of the Sermon on the Mount, we find a pretty clear teaching on the futility of fussing, too (see Matthew 6:24-28). It’s pretty clear in that teaching that fussing is not going to get us what we need, so why not use that energy more constructively?

I tried to do a search about “why” people fuss and all I found was what people fuss about (and a long list of how not to fuss about caring for babies—boy am I glad I’m past all that and can have all that energy for other things to fuss about). There are probably as many reasons that people fuss as there are people and situations to fuss in. One thing that seems to run consistently through each example and the definitions is that it is useless and majoring in the minors. So if we were to peel away all the uselessness, what might we find? I’m thinking we would find fear. That really hit home for me. I know how to look amazingly busy so that you won’t see and I won’t address my fear. Think about the Martha and Mary story. What was Martha’s fear? High on the list was the fear about what others would think. Was the house clean enough, was the meal good enough, was her dress pressed, and on and on. Bottom line: was she good enough for Jesus?

The answer for Martha and the answer for each of us is a resounding “yes!” The reality of that, the security, the ability to rest and trust comes through the development of the relationship. As I sat and pondered this I thought about my relationship with my mother. I treasure my mother, but our relationship has not always been the wonderful thing that it is today. More than anyone I know, my mother could send me into a flurry of fussing, of useless and nervous activity, quicker than anyone. If she was coming to visit, you could almost chronicle the stages of fussing. That has changed in the last few years. Oh, I’ll still rent my daughter to clean my house, but my fuss meter is much lower than I’d ever dreamed it could be. I may not be to the Mary end of things, but I’ve clearly moved away from Martha. How did that happen? Our relationship has changed. Certainly, she’s still my mother, but she is also my friend. She wants to see me doing well, but she doesn’t come into my house wearing white gloves and checking my under my bed for dust bunnies.

That same kind of relational development is what God wants with us too. I’m not suggesting a buddy-buddy familiarity with the Creator of the Universe who deserves our honor and awe, but I am advocating for a clearer understanding of our standing with him. Bad news: we’ll never be good enough to be in relationship with him on our own—save the energy of trying to make yourself look or be perfect. Good news: it’s all taken care of. He provided the means for restoring and growing relationship with him through his son. And not spending my energy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually on all that unnecessariness has freed me up to new levels of creativity and relationship. So I invite you, too. Step away from the fussing. Find balance. Yes, dinner will still need to be made. But make it from love, not from fear.