On Fear

I didn’t buy many books at the last Library Book Sale. It was hard for me to be there at all. For one thing, my nephew had died unexpectedly and tragically the night before. For another, I had cleared out my personal library—more from a sense of ought than want—and everywhere I looked I seemed to see my books.

So my heart was heavy as I scanned the titles. Very little piqued my interest. One book that picked up was titled, “Fear Itself, The Origin and Nature of the Powerful Emotion That Shapes Our Lives and Our World.” I didn’t get past the first page of acknowledgements before I was reaching for my pen to react to what I had read.

Earlier that day, I had been reading Max Lucado’s book “A Love Worth Giving.” I had just finished the chapter on “Love Protects” (Lucado is examining the “Love Chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13.) In that chapter, he discusses Adam and Eve, and how God put a cloak of protection on them even after they sinned. Why did they sin? I used to attribute it to arrogance. Thinking about it with both books before me, I believe fear was the motivation. It may appear arrogant, their wanting to be as smart as God, but why would they need to be? What motivates me to learn everything I can at work? The need for job security, which itself implies insecurity, which smacks of fear.

Pondering this, I realize I have to own that fear has been a major motivator and shaper in my life. I would much rather be able to say that love is, but that would deny the true nature of love, sincerity. Another verse comes to mind: “Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). At this point I’m transported to a fear-full place of my childhood: the school play yard at recess. Walk across the blacktop to the teeter totters. There you will find me, stuck up in the air, my feet dangling helplessly, being held aloft by a smirking and controlling fat old ball of fear. No amount of effort, not flailing my legs or bouncing on the seat, can bring me down. It’s not until the teacher walks over and smacks Fear on the back of the head that I am released and allowed to return to play.

I have always read the verse from 1 John regarding Perfect Love’s victory over fear as my needing to sum up enough love to defeat the villain—as if I could! What would happen if I didn’t try? Reading the verse anew today, I saw something very different. There in the quiet, it was no longer just any teacher coming to my rescue. It was THE Teacher. It was Jesus. Jesus walked across the playground, slowly and deliberately. He is the One who banishes my fear, its shame and immobilization. It’s not about me being able to love “good enough” that makes the fear go away, for that would be depending on my work and ability. And from the writings of the Old Testament to the Letters of the new: It’s not by might or power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.

This sent me to my favorite Bible search place online and I did a quick search of “Don’t be afraid.” In the NIV there are 24 references; 44 in The Message; and 65 in the NLT. Reading through the list from the NLT I am struck at the wide variety of things that were causing fear in God’s people: barrenness, adversaries, shameful pasts, battles, the unknown, low sense of self-worth before the Almighty God, storms, disease, and death. Each situation was met by God’s emissary with the instruction to not be afraid because God was in control.

I confess, I have allowed fear to keep me from seeing and believing that. I’m as weak and short sighted as Eve. Maybe if I could just look like I know more, seem more confident in my wits and abilities. Nah. If there’s anything I’ve learned in 52 years, 36 of them journeying intentionally with God, I am spiritually a wimp when left to my own devices. Actually, I’m getting better at identifying fears subtle forays into my peace. I don’t wrestle against Fear near as much as I used to. I know to call the Teacher, because I really enjoy seeing fear get a smack upside the noggin.