Daily Reflections

I am revamping and reorganizing my blogs. In this blog I intend to write my reflections and thoughts associated with my devotion and Bible reading. I am reading throught the one year Bible (NLT version). I have tried to do this in the past, read through the Bible, but usually give up before I complete Genesis or January. In an attempt to push on to the finish, I have done two things. First, I am ripping the book apart. One of the excuses I used was that I couldn't carry the book with me everywhere—so I'm not. Right now I have torn out enough to get me through vacation. That small section tucks nicely in my purse. Having the section removed from the binding enables me to do the second more easily. Because the pages now lie completely flat, I can write notes, underline, and draw connecting arrows. I am responding to the text and seeing things that I haven't seen before. Doing this has made the reading so much more interesting...and that's why I've decided to share some of those questions and insights here. For example: I never noticed that Abram laughed when he got the news about Sarai having a baby so late in the game. So much had been made about Sarai laughing and her disbelief regarding the news. Preaching I heard over the years chastised her, but never mentioned that she laughed (according to the text) after Abe laughed. Why doesn't he ever “get in trouble”? Also from my reading about Sarai: She acknowledges that it was the Lord who decided she wouldn't have a child. Seems like solid insight, but with the very next breath she's scheming to find another way to find and heir for Abraham—and then wonders why the plan goes so terribly wrong. If you know in your heart that something is part of God's plan for you, why not accept and trust? Previous to that from my reading I noticed that Abe's dad was 70 when Abe was born. Now in my book, that tells me that Abe shouldn't have been fretting too much before that point about the empty womb issue. He had familial experience with late in life birthing. This and Sarai's scheming just reminded me of how impatient and untrusting we are as human beings. Not trusting God was got the whole thing started back in the Garden. Satan knew where to strike. We don't trust. We want control. So I will be putting reflections from my reading here. I'm not sure if I'll do that everyday, but I'm sure it will be often.

Feeling Held

So yesterday I flew to my mom's in Arizona. My journey, however, began in a car. A friend drove me to the airport. We arrived surprisingly early and it didn't take too much effort to pry my fingernails from the seatbelt that I had been gripping to keep me secure. I am a horrible passenger, and that is putting it mildly. Weaving through the heavy morning traffic had my heart doing all kinds of flip flops. Flying has not been too different an experience. I am only an occasional traveler, so I have never acquired that calm demeaner that seems to waft from those who saunter through airports with ease and confidence. I'm constantly checking for my ticket, watching the arrival departure screens, getting to the gate ridiculously early, and praying. The whole process is one long continuous prayer vigile. I try to go with the flow and fake outwardly that I know what I'm doing, but I'm well aware that my nervous giggle gives me away every time. It causes me to truly understand and engage in Paul's adominition to pray without ceasing. The serious praying for me really begins as the plane begins to taxi down the runway and occurs again when I feel the jolt of the landing gear emerging as we prepare for landing. At these critical junctures in the flight I realize I need to be keenly prepared to meet my God, so I pray. These prayers are foxhole prayers at there finest. The first leg of my journey was a quick jaunt from Columbus to Chicago O'Haire. Approaching Chicago something happened that I have never experienced before. I looked out my window and saw that we were about to swing out over the lake to head the plane toward the airport and all of a sudden I had this sensation of floating, of weightlessness, but also of being gently bouyed. It reminded me of a time when as a young child my mother was trying to teach me to float in a swimming pool. Initially she had her hands under me, holding me up. Slowly she would pull her hand away, but I could still feel it near. She was trying to teach me to trust that the water could hold me, but also that she was there catch me if I became afraid and started to go under. In that moment in the plane I felt such peace. Gone was the frantic praying that normally would have begun as descended to the ground. I knew I was being given a gift and I just reveled in it silently, and thankfully. And then we landed. And then we sat. Why wasn't the plane moving? Didn't the pilot know I had very little time to make it to my connecting flight? Who cares if the plane at the gate we're assigned to hasn't left yet? It's a big airport, pick another one. I felt myself starting to fret and stew. I'm so unaccustomed to traveling that I didn't know what I would do if I missed my connection. Would I be able to get to Tucson? Would they have to honor my ticket or was I just out of luck? What was I going to do? And then that little spiritual lightbulb went off in my head. I had been on the mountain and experienced a precious moment in the presence of my God just like the disciples had in the story of the Mount of Transfiguration (see Mark 9). They wanted to tary in the specialness of the moment, but had to return to real life, and as soon as they did things started to press on them and cause them to question, fret, and fuss. Just like me. Sitting in my seat, waiting, I entered a quiet internal place and sought forgiveness for allowing the uncertainty of the moment to crowd in and make me forget that God's hand was just as present on the ground as it was in the air. God isn't just about the taking offs and landings, the big scary moments of life. No, he cares about it all, because he cares about me. And there, in that moment, I felt the peace that comes from releasing myself and my insane want of control over to the One who has called me and upholds me. I have called you back from the ends of the earth so that you can serve me. For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10, NLT

Continuing to Pray

My theme or guiding principle for 2012 continues to develop. I went to our public library and found a book while browsing the shelves entitled "Pray Big." It's not a deep book, but it's calling me deeper, challenging my thinking and my practice of prayer. On Christmas Sunday I offered to help team teach our adult Sunday School class. I'm going to use this material. I'll be sharing more specifics from the book later. What I can tell you now is that it's not the kind of book I can race through. I'm reading it much more slowly than I normally read books and taking notes, and not just because I plan to teach from it. I'm doing a lot of self-examination and a lot of praying...and weeping. I'm quite excited for the growth.