Lent. Another time of anticipation. Another time for preparation. A time for sacrifice. A time for tuning. A time for deeper listening. Slowing. Becoming more deeply aware, sensitive, present.
What if the thing I’m to give up is my overall proclivity, tendency, preference for busyness and noise? What if instead of merely getting my spiritual toe wet, I jumped in and submerged myself in open spirituality? What if I intentionally choose to look at things from a different perspective, God’s?
I was thinking about this after I got a call the other day from daughter. It was Ash Wednesday. She called me at work to share a cute Asher (my 5yr old grandson) moment. It was right after pre-school and she was trying to explain Lent and the process of “giving something up.” Innocently, she suggested that they, both she and Asher, give up eating fast food (McDonalds, Wendy’s, etc.) for the forty days of Lent. He was beside himself at the very thought of this. He melted down in huge gut wrenching sobs. I honestly believe that it was in part due to the fact that his limited 5yr old understanding feared that he wouldn’t be able to eat anything due to the high number of times that both they and we eat out. He was finally able to agree to the possibility of giving up soda pop.
Asher’s response really triggered some intense questioning for me. His response felt uncomfortably familiar to me. How many times had God invited me to move into a more costly experience and deeper relationship with him, but I broke down at the very thought of what I would be “giving up”, because I couldn’t imagine how life would go on without the familiar thing? Even if that thing was the very thing that held me back from growth, or real joy.
Typically, I am easily impressed with what it is that I am to be sacrificing for my Lenten journey. This year it hasn’t been that way. I felt no peace about giving up chocolate, coffee, pizza, or pop. What I am feeling is a deeper wrestling with offering God an item or individual thing instead of looking at the process from the “big picture.” It feels to me that after being at this spiritual journey for nearly forty years now I should be doing better at living with the grand scheme rather than focusing on the minutia. I’ve been very good at seeing the trees, it’s time, however, to take in the forest.
So I determined this year to focus on how I am doing at living what I know and seeking to know more. Doing this will engage my spiritual senses both in areas of breadth and depth. There will be a natural turning away from the familiar time wasters and worldly pastimes that have all too successfully sucked up my attention. I am imagining and already experiencing walking away from TV to read. My conversations have taken a different tone. I still have a long way to go, but I can see the corner as I’m getting closer to rounding it.
I don’t foresee that this will be a simple transition, but really feels like the right one for me. I wonder who else I will find along this new path in my journey.
