When Hazelnut Tastes Like Raspberry

I awoke this morning with the beginnings of a cold. I usually pop out of bed and get right on the tasks of the morning. This morning I felt achy all over, my nose was plugged up, and I had what my family weirdly refers to as “eye boogers.” I’m sure you’ve had them, just not called them that. I’m referring to the crusty particles that are caked around your eyes. But this isn’t going to be all about eye boogers.

As I got up and started moving around, I became convinced that my head must have put on weight while I was sleeping, because I was sure that it weighed more than a small bowling ball. All I wanted to do was put it back on my pillow, but since today was a work day, I knew that was not going to happen, so it was on to those morning tasks.

One of the things on my morning list was to make coffee. We’re a decaffeinated family, but we still enjoy our morning coffee, especially when it’s flavored. Right now I have two flavors in containers in the freezer: Southern Pecan and Hazelnut. Today was to be a Hazelnut day. Normally, I love the way the brewed coffee “smells” up the house, but my stuffed up nose kept me from that little pleasure. Small concern since I would be enjoying its taste soon enough. When the coffee maker finally ended its chugging and gurgling I filled my 32oz. mug and headed out the door for work.

I arrived at work and quickly dove into my morning setup and preparations. I provide elder care for a woman with dementia, so part of my routine is to prepare her breakfast. When I had everything set for my little lady, I sat down to have a few sips of my coffee. Good thing I was next to the sink because it tasted so nasty I immediately spit it into the sink. What a cruel joke! My normally very enjoyable morning brew tasted like a poor imitation of raspberry coffee.

To say that I was disappointed barely grasps the level of my emotions. But more than that, I was terribly confused. I had prepared coffee from this same batch on Saturday and it tasted fine, good in fact. What gremlins had been acting out their devious schemes in my freezer? I sat down to ponder this and it dawned on me that no gremlins were to blame, just my ailing taste buds and my oversaturated olfactory system. Bottom line: it was this cold.

Now when I get to pondering, those of you who know me know that generally leads me down paths of spiritual implications. Today proved not to be the exception. The question that bubbled up for me was this: what do we do when the things we want, perhaps even expect, come at us in very different forms? Just the formulation of the question brought instant tears to my eyes as I was flooded with the painful and disappointing memories of our recent trip to Disney when what was to be a joyous celebration turned into an excruciating experience of family dysfunction run wild.

Just calling that fiasco a fiasco was an odd sort of growth piece for me. I was raised in a family where we kept our dysfunction behind closed doors. If I were to follow my standard pattern, when someone would ask how our trip went I would have only picked out the good moments and basically denied the others existed. I couldn’t do that with this. I wouldn’t. I didn’t. The bad far outweighed the good and no amount of believing in pixy dust would make it any different. It was supposed to magical. I expected it to be. But just like my coffee this morning, I didn’t get what I expected. So now what would I do with that?

The first thing I had to realize was that it was not the end of the world. Yes, it was a disappointment, but life would actually go on. It’s going to be different, but not over. Then, I had to own it for what it was. Each time someone asked about our trip, I told them that it was nothing like what I expected, that family dysfunction reared its ugly head, but that there were also very precious stellar moments, and Disney puts on an amazing fireworks display! And when I was honest, I found something amazing as the fireworks but way more healing. Other people actually went to the Magic World of Disney and had equally awful and sometimes even worse experiences than mine. Who knew?

Yes, Tina, but what does this have to do with coffee and colds? Here’s the thing: when we go through an experience and it turns out not to be what we expected, especially when what we end up with falls far short of our expectation or desire and we are left with overwhelming disappointment, we need to realize that isn’t the end of the world and we’re not alone in feeling that way.

Five years ago, at my 30th high school reunion, a few of us women were standing on one side of the room looking across the way at a group of the men from our class. It dawned on me, and I shared it with my classmates, that if we had known that those guys were going to look like that in thirty years, we would have spent way less time crying in the bathroom—and the guys were probably thinking the same thing! In the moment we can be overcome by feelings of devastating disappointment, but with time comes the blessing of perspective.

I went looking for a verse or passage that would help me tie this altogether and I came upon Galatians 6:9: So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (NLT) When I read this here’s what I hear: Don’t quit doing the good that you know you should do, even when it’s hard. Don’t give into the discouragements that are going to come, don’t let your disappointments defeat you. If you will hold on, keep going, you will not only find a blessing but a harvest of blessings—abundance of blessing is available to sustain you. And it will come right on time. Not before. Never too late.

Isn’t it interesting that the verse that God brought to my attention had to do with harvest and blessings. Here we sit a week before Thanksgiving. For some, these days hold very little blessing at first glance. They have already given up and are way beyond tired. Their hazelnut doesn’t taste like raspberry, it’s a far more putrid and hopeless cup they drink from. Will you share your blessings with them?

Many of us put a lot of energy into making this a positive time for family to gather and share blessings. The expectations often are high and the disappointments equally so as weariness locks horns with hope and the result is an ugly mess. So should we just give up and go to McDonalds? I don’t think so. I believe we need to do the right thing for the right reasons and put our expectations to rest. It’s not going to be a perfect day. Some part of the meal probably won’t turn out right. Some family members are just not going to get along. Your football team may just loose. And there’s a pretty good chance that the weather will not be what you want. Get over it. Let go of those expectations and let the day be a time when instead of even thinking about what isn’t, think about what is and why the effort really was worth it. For when the time is right, you will reap a harvest of blessing.

And you may even find that raspberry coffee is not so bad.

New Job

Very early in my working experience, I had a conversation with God. I agreed to pretty much always take whatever interviews that came my way. So like when I was a pastor, even if the church didn't seem to be one that I would have chosen, I would always interview. I knew that I didn't always see things from the big picture, or God's perspective, so I needed to take a closer look. Looking back, it makes for some pretty interesting stories.

I was contacted by a friend from church the other day about a job. Her job to be exact. Or rather, her soon to be former job. It's a part time position that has no benefits and she needs those since she is a young widow. I was quite touched that she thought of me when she was thinking of finding her replacement.

She sent me an email and asked if I had any office experience. I have. From her description, I don't think there's anything I can't handle or learn. Then she asked if I had any legal experience. It made me chuckle a bit. You see, this job is working in a local attorney's office. I'm not sure if my "legal experience" will qualify or eliminate me from consideration. I guess it's just an interview I'll have to go on and see.

The funny thing is that this opportunity came out of nowhere. I'm quite content with my job. It has taken me a while to get there, but I feel like I am doing something meaningful and I can't hardly find the words to describe how much I like the stress-free nature of my work. I have a pretty sure hunch that would not be the case with the new position. But I can see that things could change pretty quickly in my elder care job.

One of the real pluses to this new position, as with my current situation, is that I would still be available to watch Asher everyday. This continues to be a commitment that Nelson and I take very seriously.

Recently Asher has gotten into soccer. So no matter how tired I am just about every afternoon I'm out kicking the soccer ball around. When my girls were little, we didn't do soccer. Beth got into it late in high school, but it never required more of me than sitting in the stands cheering in all kinds of weather. I was not a soccer mom. But I am becoming a soccer mema. Tonight it all seemed a bit crazy as we kicked the ball around with snowflakes falling around us. Only a cup of cocoa with marshmellows served to be the ticket in out of the cold.

My hips were aching as I kicked the ball around and I fought not to quit. I was no good at kickball, I have not gotten any better in my aim with the passage of time. If anything that seems much worse. I must have missed the net ten times for every one time I just came close. At 53, why do I have to learn to play soccer?

This morning I reread the story of Moses being visited by God in the burning bush. Moses was well past 53 when he received his new job assignment. No amount of excuses or negotiating seemed to dissuade God from his plan. Moses was the man for the job.

So at 53, should I be too surprised that God might be calling me to something new? Perhaps my time of exile and solitude is done. Perhaps it's time to step up to God's next thing. Whether it turns out to be this position or something else. I'm not too old to learn to kick a soccer ball, or too inflexible to trust God to put me in a new position. No matter what, he's worth trusting--he really does see the big picture and have my best interests in mind.