I decided to take a morning ride today. There were a lot of reasons why this could prove to be unwise, but there were two weighing on my mind: it's very windy (30mph gusts); and I'm just not as limber in the morning. I knew the latter fact from my workout days at Curves. I got a better workout in the afternoon/evening, mostly because I was loosened up and my muscles just responded better. But I was not to be disuaded!
So I took off from the house with inspirational music on my MP3 player and a high level of determination. Less than three quarters of a mile into the ride I was beginning to have serious second thoughts. Easy flat spots on my route were nearly impossible as it took all my energy to fight the headwind. At other moments I feared I would topple as the wind gusted at me from the side. Several moments I was ready to turn around--some ride was better than none. At least I came out and gave it a try. No! I was going to do this.
When I reached the turn around spot that is 2.5 miles from the house, I decided to press on. Then when I reached the spot where I could turn right, go a distance that would add a mile to the ride, I turned left and decided to see where the road would take me. What a pleasant choice!
The road I ended up taking was a quiet, rolling country road. When I got to the end of it I found that I had ridden to the next country town. I rode to the next town! I was so proud of myself--especially for not giving up! I was energized as I rode all the way home that the distance felt like a blink and the wind no longer held me back.
As soon as I put my bike away, I grabbed my keys and hopped in the car to go see how far I had actually ridden. It was just under 4 miles to the other town and the spot where I turned around to come home. Yay for me!
Now, as you can imagine, I of course was able to see some spiritual implications during my ride today. The major one came when it seemed like God nudged me in the back to keep me going. I could have blamed the surge on the wind and given into my weak spirit and turned back home. I have done it enough. Quit too soon. Quit when it gets a little tough. I have let the hills and wind of life keep my from going forward. I really wonder what I missed by choosing my way over His.
I'm reading a book that has really gotten me to thinking. M. Robert Mullholland's book, "The Deeper Journey." I am reading the section that describes the "false self" and the "religious false self." Two characteristics of these false selfs stuck out to me (really they knocked me upside the head): fear and control. I'm not sure if the two sides of one coin, but they definitely go hand in hand for me. I'm afraid so I want control. I feel loss of control and I'm immediately afraid. Anyway, I have more reading to do and hopefully I'll come out of this better able to trust and let go....and keep on riding!
