Moses, I can relate.

So this week I finished up Deuteronomy in my course to read through the Bible in one year.  I used to think that it was pretty unfair that God didn't let Moses cross over into the Promised Land.  This week I wondered if maybe it wasn't a gift.

Keep in mind, Moses was 80ish when God called him to the task of leading the Hebrews out of Egypt.  I don't know many 80 year olds who would be up to the task.  And what a task it was!  Those people were the whiniest group of ungratefuls that could be imagined.  Just think through the many times Moses had to plead with God not to wipe them out for this misbehavior. 

I guess that's why I'm just a little surprised that God took such a hard line when Moses hit the rock more than he should.  I sometimes wonder if we didn't get all the story.  I've seen three year olds who have bigger tantrums than what Moses was reported for having done.  And yet, disobedience is disobedience. 

Back to the gift idea...Perhaps God was sparing Moses more heart ache.  I imagine though, if it had been presented to Moses that way, he would have tried to go on so that he wouldn't let God down.  Some people just don't know when to quit...or how.  So God told Moses no, but gave him the chance to peek in from the mountain across the river and see what is was like.  And he put younger Joshua in charge of the daunting task of claiming God's promised land.

Then, in the gentlest way, God tells Moses to come on, it's time to go somewhere even better.  And Moses was gone.  They couldn't find him to bury him.  God gave him the best promise, the best home ever.

We get so stuck thinking that what we have here is so good.  We don't ache for heaven like the Old Time Saints used to.  Would Moses have gotten to comfortable and fat on the Milk and Honey?  Have I?  Have you? 

I don't want to lose out on God's best here through disobedience.  And I definitely don't want to miss heaven.  I'll just take each day, each thing as a gift and trust that God knows best whether I'm up for the task.  And until he lets me know, I'll just keep walking, following, and I'll only hit the rock once when he tells me too.  And I'll learn to love manna--and be thankful for the grace of everyday.

I Love To Laugh - Mary Poppins

Wishing you much laughter for a Fabulous Friday!

Still Reading!

So many times, so many years, I declare at the beginning of the year that I am going to follow a read through the Bible in a year program.

  One year I purchased the "One Year Bible" to help me accomplish this task. I failed miserably each time--until this year! This year I decided to try something and it has worked. I have been tearing out the pages for each month out of the binding so that I am able to tuck one month's readings in my purse. It's always with me. I typically have time to read the daily portion when I first get to work in the morning, but if something comes up, or it's one of the days of the week when I'm not working, then I always have it with me.

What I've attempted, and seemed to have accomplished, is to remove the excuse that has sabotaged my efforts in the past. And I'm happy to say: I'm still reading and have only had to play "catch up" a couple times. The other thing I am quite happy to say is that I am totally enjoying it. I look forward to it. Well, until this week anyway.

This week has been different. Up until now, I have really gotten excited about the journey of God's people and seeing things in the Old Testament story that point me to things in the New Testament. It's been neat to make those kind of connections. But this week I became troubled by all the God-endorsed and God-directed (ordered) killing that was done as the Children of Isreal entered the Promised Land. It felt hostile and untolerant. It made me uncomfortable. Surely God didn't want to have that kind of rep. Surely God didn't want to come across that way to people who are just considering following him. Could he?

I am a completely sold out to the idea that what we have contained in the Bible is there on purpose and for a reason. I don't always see or understand what that reason is--and this is just such a case. It has left me with a great big, "Why?"

As I pondered this for a while, my discomfort continued to grow. Tolerance. It's a good thing, right? Here's how dictionary.com defines tolerance:
1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.
2. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own. 3. interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.

I sat with that for a bit and let it perculate, if you will. Fair. That's good. Objective. I'm okay with that. Permissive. Mmmm. We've entered into queasy territory here. Maybe that's where God has trouble, too. Being permissive feels like letting someone get away with something--and not something good. Perhaps that's how I'm to make the link to this portion of history for God's people.

As uncomfortable as it makes me, I have to come to the place where I understand that there are things that God doesn't permit, that He just won't tolerate. I have to step out of my "politically correct" bubble that doesn't just make allowances for differences, but obliterates any distinctions between right and wrong. Doing that means that I have to try and understand the heart and mind of God, consider His perspective. Tall task.

Part of the challenge in this is that I have grown up in a culture that has advocated for tolerance and acceptance. After all, I want to be accepted so I should be accepting. I was trained to believe that there is too much rigidity in thinking that is only "black and white". Ecologically we may be going green, but spiritually we've been heading towards many shades of gray for a very long time. Menninger's message from a few decades past only rings truer today: What ever became of sin?"

What I wish I could come away from all this pondering with is a clearer understanding of how live less tolerantly (in the negative sense) while remaining relevant to a world that refuses to be any other way. I'm not there yet. I did however see the wisdom in a quote that may offer a little guidance at this point:
  "In essentials unity. In non-essentials liberty. In all things charity." (Rupertus Meldenius)

Just Like Us

This morning I woke up REALLY early: the alarm time was 3:43AM! And wasn't one of those glance at the alarm and roll over moments. I was WIDE awake. So I got up. That gave me a few moments to chat with Hub before he headed out for work--I like doing that. Still awake, I grabbed my Greek study materials and started working on my translation and study of Mark. I'll be meeting with my friend this morning. We're covering Mark 4:10-41. One of the things that jumped out at me came close to the end of the chapter. Jesus and the disciples loaded into a boat and headed across the lake. At first there were other boats going along with them, but then a violent squall comes up. The other boats turn back, but the disciples decide to continue into the storm. They make the decision to head on--why? Jesus is asleep below deck and obviously sleeping quite soundly because the storm doesn't wake him. But then the storm gets to be too much for the disciples and they wake Jesus frantically and rebuke him, "Don't you even care that we're about to perish?" AKA: What's up with you? This is the time for one of your little miracles. Wake up and save us you sleeping slug! How like us weak and fear-filled humans! Instead of using the wisdom and discernment that is available to us we arrogantly head on into the storms of life thinking that we can somehow weather the storm, but when we are badly battered we rebuke God for not protecting us. What? There was no reason to keep going into the storm when it would have been more prudent to turn back. I know in my own life, God provided godly individuals to direct me away from the impendinding doom but I thought that I was stronger than the storm and would be okay. The result was disasterous. And I, too, found myself asking why God let me do that, didn't He care that my life was in shambles? How ridiculous. When Jesus shook off his sleepiness, he stepped up and commanded the wind and waves to muzzle it! And the wind and waves IMMEDIATELY calm themselves. This was no natural and gradual slow coming calm. This was a hit-a-brick-wall-stop-it-right-now occurance, a miracle showing of Jesus' power and dominion. So while the disciples rebuked Jesus, Jesus rebuked the storm. So what can be learned from this? How do we apply this to our life? Can we? The way I see it, we need to really be sure that we're being directed to head into the storm and not just arrogantly proceeding. It's not enough to take Jesus into a storm, we have to trust that if he's with us we'll be ok. And if we have headed in on our own strength, we shouldn't be blaming God for our situation. But even if it is our own doings that get us in a mess, we can turn to Him and know that he can and will bring us peace. Faith doesn't call us to foolishness, it enables us to trust the one who is ultimately in control.

Daily Reflections

I am revamping and reorganizing my blogs. In this blog I intend to write my reflections and thoughts associated with my devotion and Bible reading. I am reading throught the one year Bible (NLT version). I have tried to do this in the past, read through the Bible, but usually give up before I complete Genesis or January. In an attempt to push on to the finish, I have done two things. First, I am ripping the book apart. One of the excuses I used was that I couldn't carry the book with me everywhere—so I'm not. Right now I have torn out enough to get me through vacation. That small section tucks nicely in my purse. Having the section removed from the binding enables me to do the second more easily. Because the pages now lie completely flat, I can write notes, underline, and draw connecting arrows. I am responding to the text and seeing things that I haven't seen before. Doing this has made the reading so much more interesting...and that's why I've decided to share some of those questions and insights here. For example: I never noticed that Abram laughed when he got the news about Sarai having a baby so late in the game. So much had been made about Sarai laughing and her disbelief regarding the news. Preaching I heard over the years chastised her, but never mentioned that she laughed (according to the text) after Abe laughed. Why doesn't he ever “get in trouble”? Also from my reading about Sarai: She acknowledges that it was the Lord who decided she wouldn't have a child. Seems like solid insight, but with the very next breath she's scheming to find another way to find and heir for Abraham—and then wonders why the plan goes so terribly wrong. If you know in your heart that something is part of God's plan for you, why not accept and trust? Previous to that from my reading I noticed that Abe's dad was 70 when Abe was born. Now in my book, that tells me that Abe shouldn't have been fretting too much before that point about the empty womb issue. He had familial experience with late in life birthing. This and Sarai's scheming just reminded me of how impatient and untrusting we are as human beings. Not trusting God was got the whole thing started back in the Garden. Satan knew where to strike. We don't trust. We want control. So I will be putting reflections from my reading here. I'm not sure if I'll do that everyday, but I'm sure it will be often.

Feeling Held

So yesterday I flew to my mom's in Arizona. My journey, however, began in a car. A friend drove me to the airport. We arrived surprisingly early and it didn't take too much effort to pry my fingernails from the seatbelt that I had been gripping to keep me secure. I am a horrible passenger, and that is putting it mildly. Weaving through the heavy morning traffic had my heart doing all kinds of flip flops. Flying has not been too different an experience. I am only an occasional traveler, so I have never acquired that calm demeaner that seems to waft from those who saunter through airports with ease and confidence. I'm constantly checking for my ticket, watching the arrival departure screens, getting to the gate ridiculously early, and praying. The whole process is one long continuous prayer vigile. I try to go with the flow and fake outwardly that I know what I'm doing, but I'm well aware that my nervous giggle gives me away every time. It causes me to truly understand and engage in Paul's adominition to pray without ceasing. The serious praying for me really begins as the plane begins to taxi down the runway and occurs again when I feel the jolt of the landing gear emerging as we prepare for landing. At these critical junctures in the flight I realize I need to be keenly prepared to meet my God, so I pray. These prayers are foxhole prayers at there finest. The first leg of my journey was a quick jaunt from Columbus to Chicago O'Haire. Approaching Chicago something happened that I have never experienced before. I looked out my window and saw that we were about to swing out over the lake to head the plane toward the airport and all of a sudden I had this sensation of floating, of weightlessness, but also of being gently bouyed. It reminded me of a time when as a young child my mother was trying to teach me to float in a swimming pool. Initially she had her hands under me, holding me up. Slowly she would pull her hand away, but I could still feel it near. She was trying to teach me to trust that the water could hold me, but also that she was there catch me if I became afraid and started to go under. In that moment in the plane I felt such peace. Gone was the frantic praying that normally would have begun as descended to the ground. I knew I was being given a gift and I just reveled in it silently, and thankfully. And then we landed. And then we sat. Why wasn't the plane moving? Didn't the pilot know I had very little time to make it to my connecting flight? Who cares if the plane at the gate we're assigned to hasn't left yet? It's a big airport, pick another one. I felt myself starting to fret and stew. I'm so unaccustomed to traveling that I didn't know what I would do if I missed my connection. Would I be able to get to Tucson? Would they have to honor my ticket or was I just out of luck? What was I going to do? And then that little spiritual lightbulb went off in my head. I had been on the mountain and experienced a precious moment in the presence of my God just like the disciples had in the story of the Mount of Transfiguration (see Mark 9). They wanted to tary in the specialness of the moment, but had to return to real life, and as soon as they did things started to press on them and cause them to question, fret, and fuss. Just like me. Sitting in my seat, waiting, I entered a quiet internal place and sought forgiveness for allowing the uncertainty of the moment to crowd in and make me forget that God's hand was just as present on the ground as it was in the air. God isn't just about the taking offs and landings, the big scary moments of life. No, he cares about it all, because he cares about me. And there, in that moment, I felt the peace that comes from releasing myself and my insane want of control over to the One who has called me and upholds me. I have called you back from the ends of the earth so that you can serve me. For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10, NLT

Continuing to Pray

My theme or guiding principle for 2012 continues to develop. I went to our public library and found a book while browsing the shelves entitled "Pray Big." It's not a deep book, but it's calling me deeper, challenging my thinking and my practice of prayer. On Christmas Sunday I offered to help team teach our adult Sunday School class. I'm going to use this material. I'll be sharing more specifics from the book later. What I can tell you now is that it's not the kind of book I can race through. I'm reading it much more slowly than I normally read books and taking notes, and not just because I plan to teach from it. I'm doing a lot of self-examination and a lot of praying...and weeping. I'm quite excited for the growth.